Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
