Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
