So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
