I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
