Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
