remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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