Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
