if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
