i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
