you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
