I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
