yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
