when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
