you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
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