You just made me feel so damn special
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
