just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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