So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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