I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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