dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
