well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Randomize
