OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
