just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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