I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
