How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
