i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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