im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
