You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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