im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
