I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
