I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I just cut my nipple shaving
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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