It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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