I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
