my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
