NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
