Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
