I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Ketchup is God's man juice
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
