Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
you win again, gameday.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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