Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
