omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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