how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
