Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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