It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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