i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
