She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
