Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
