i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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