Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
