I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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