i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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