I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
