we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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