so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
