New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
