we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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