Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
